Which Has More Value: The Life of a Person, or the Actual Person in Question?

Unfortunately, I have found in every single suicide prevention attempt I have ever witnessed from personal experience that the life of a suicidal person is always considered more important than the actual person. I have always observed in times of personal crisis that my so called “friends,” “family,” and “medical providers” are always far more preoccupied with making sure that I don’t commit suicide, than they are about helping me resolve the personal and social conflicts that lead to those suicidal intents in the first place.

Back in 2010, for examples, I was expelled from a social work club in college because my mental illness symptoms became very disruptive to everyone in the organization, particularly to the thee women who held office in it. The latter consisted of three cowards, ironically- two of which claimed for the seven months that we spent as incompatible peers that they would always be loyal, that they would always care about me unconditionally, and that they would always be there for me despite my frequent bouts of depression, anxiety, and strong suicidal thinking of the time. But in March 1^st of 2010, those selfish, inconsiderate cowards got so tired of me that they felt compelled to expel me from their petty organization. They also put a restraining order on me both because they wanted no further contact with me, and because they were so fearful of any reaction or retaliation on my part that would make them feel further danger and discomfort. Of course, the three cowards were spineless to boot, so they did not look me in the eye and say they wanted nothing to do with me from that point on. Instead, they had the dean of students of the university, a brutally blunt, obese, voluminous trash bag of saturated trans fat call me to her office to tell me on the behalf of the cowards everything they all knew I wasn't going to be happy about. And yet, the cowards still had asked the dean beforehand to take all measures possible to prevent me from making a suicide attempt (which they predicted that I would, given their knowledge of my history with mental illness). Evidently, in these measures which the three cowardly, disgusting pigs and the voluminous trash bag of fat took to get their way in their dilemma with me, they applied the very same principle of life prioritization discussed above- me being kept alive and breathing was important. But everything else concerning me, was not. Also, that same night that I was expelled, those three pigs made it an out loud announcement in their club meeting that I had been expelled and had been put a restraining order on as well. Their own cowardice and manipulation must have been greatly influential and contagious. Everyone else in the organization (except two loyal subjects) stopped talking to me from that point on (even though they had acted as thought they had respect for me prior to this incident), and would look at me with a pathetic “I feel sorry for that guy” look on their cowardly faces every time they would see me cross their path, as though their acting this way would make my own predicament any easier.

Conclusion: Prevention and lack of suicide attempts on my part was very important to everyone directly or indirectly involved in that ordeal. However, the subsequent damage to my reputation in that club and in that school following my expulsion, the natural resulting embarrassment, my prophesied feelings of severe anger and betrayal, and the added difficulty in coping with my own mental illness, all of which were very likely to trigger a suicide attempt, were important to no one.

Just this week, I e-mailed the head of a poorly established, informal Borderline Personality Disorder “support” group, stating that I would no longer be attending it. I told her that I was upset about the last meeting I had with them, when had a discussion (on a very personal matter) in which I was feeling very uncomfortable. My arguments in that discussion were invalidated time and time again, and everyone else in the group seemed completely oblivious of it. The conversation ended when someone in the group made a passive-aggressive remark made at me that was also, in my opinion, short-sighted. I also e-mailed the group “leader” my resentment toward her and everyone in the group for showing utter indifference for my having left the meeting unexpectedly at the sight of everyone else’s recurrent ignorance and impertinence towards my discomfort. I decided to leave the support-lacking group early that day while the junkie leader of it and her friends surrounded themselves in laughter and conversation rather carelessly.

Her reply to my e-mail, shamelessly, showed just as much indifference, and yet she stated at another meeting we had that, in the event that I make a suicide attempt (as I had stated in the meeting a great desire to accomplish), she would be very upset, very angry at me, and very shattered. Another member of the dysfunctional BPD group also stated that she was worried about me committing suicide because doing so would “land me in Hell, her idea of a lake of fire, and blah, blah, blah…”

Conclusion: Lack of suicide attempts on my part and my not landing in hell was very important to everyone in the group. However, their knowledge of the emotional pain and struggle associated with my loss and evident lack of support for coping with a condition as serious as Borderline Personality Disorder which they failed to provide, all of which easily lead to suicide attempts, matters nothing to them.

The above are only a few examples of crisis situations when my life preservation was critical, but my lack of emotional and psychological development was not. Unfortunately, the Mental Health System in the United States is also another agent of prejudice and powerhouse of ignorance that perpetuates the idea that suicidal people are less meaningful than their own life. Consider the fact that the US Police can and will intrude into the house of someone known to be an acute suicidal subject, abduct her into an ambulance, and lock her up in a hospital for a $2000 plus stay with the poor practitioners that usually work in acute units -all against the will of the suicidal subject on grounds that she is “a danger to herself or others,” when the reality of the situation is quite the opposite: the suicidal subject probably intended to commit suicide to keep herself safe from a life of excruciating emotional and psychological pain while seeing her loved ones turn their back on her because of her intense symptoms. If the police’s intent would have been exclusively to prevent a failed attempt at suicide that would have brought irreversible physical damage, their actions would have been justifiable. However, if the intent of the police was to only prevent the suicidal subject from actually dying to a life of torment (as is usually the case), then it is they who have taken her safety away, and have thus become the danger to her. And it is always the latter motive which misdirects anti-suicide activists, as well as the police, into believing that it is ethical to prevent a person’s desired suicide at the expense and damage of other very important aspects of that person’s life.

In the fall of 2012, I made the regrettable mistake of befriending a rather unprofessional, short-sighted, and uninsightful suicide prevention advocate through Facebook. She goes by the pathetic pseudonym of “Valerina Valerie.” I wrongfully judged her as intelligent and well-educated when I read comments she made in Facebook suicide prevention forums where she advocated for suicidal people in replies to comments from other users who criticized them of being “selfish,” and so on. In her comments, she seemed so understanding and knowledgeable about helping and caring for suicidal subjects in such delicate situations that I thought she would be a good person to reach out to when I was in crisis. Unfortunately, it was then when I realized how wrong I was. The day I confessed to her how suicidal I was, she took my suicidal gestures to heart; and instead of genuinely helping to lead me out of the stressful situation I was in and educating me on effective ways to deal with it, she went psychotic on me and spun out of control. It was then that I had learned how much of an impudent, ignorant, intellectually and emotionally immature cunt she really is. She forwarded my messages to many of her contacts, and inexplicably got a hold of a girl I met in high school (with whom I had had very little contact since 2006) to tell her about our ordeal. When I snapped at her for her poor and premature handling of the situation, she bashed me back! She spouted all her reproaches on what she perceived as “faults” on my part for naturally seeking attention under so much distress while I pointed at her evident immaturity and incompetence as a “suicide prevention advocate.” As Valerina’s rambling left no more room for agreement, I blocked her on Facebook altogether. And, as it turns out, it is because of Valerina’s mother’s own suicide that she became obsessed with suicide prevention in her own sick way (so as to appease her failure to prevent her mother’s suicide, that is). She doesn't actually care for mentally ill people in deep emotional pain to begin with.

The end result of that situation was even worse. As the police found out about the situation, they intruded abruptly into my house two days later, informed my mother about the situation, and then sought me at work (not intrusively nor hastily as they did at home, thankfully) to interrogate me with as much shamelessness and as much impertinence so as to cloud their thinking into believing that they were doing the right thing by meddling into a personal affair of mine which was none of their business. Later, as I got picked up from work, my so called “mother” yelled at me because she, too, thought that I was entirely guilty for the entire situation.

Conclusion 1: Suicidal people are usually devaluated by everyone surrounding them, including friends, family, clinicians, or authorities who try to prevent them from committing suicide, especially if it is against their will. No one in their surroundings really cares about how bad or helpless they feel, as long as they are successfully kept alive.

Conclusion 2: In most attempts that anybody makes to keep someone from committing suicide, the life of the suicidal person is overvalued. Likewise, the actual person wanting to commit suicide and the painful problems and struggles which lead them to desire to end their lives are undervalued.

Conclusion 3: Because of the social overvaluation of a suicidal person’s life, the measures that are taken to prevent a suicidal person from ending their own life are usually drastic, forceful, and punitive as in the example mentioned above. Therefore, they are traumatic, and they therefore intensify suicidal feelings and fail to prevent them.

Conclusion 4: Because a suicidal person's life is more valued than they as individuals are, anti-suicide activists, suicide preventing law enforcement and providers believe that they are in every right to torment and forcefully attack, damage, or destroy any or all aspects of the suicidal person's life, as long as their intent is to keep the target consumer from committing suicide. Suicide preventing agents believe, therefore, that suicide prevention is a good excuse for using intrusive, oppressive, unorthodox, and brutal measures towards the suicidal, even if their own life circumstances are already causing them the emotional and psychiatric distress that they are suicidal about. 

General Conclusion: The overvalue that is given to a suicidal person's life is damaging to them and to their recovery process as well. It is the actual person who should be valued in order for true recovery to take place. When nobody surrounding a suicidal person can truly value that person, the suicidal person should be allowed to choose between living on with their strenuous emotional pain, alone, or rest in peace from a world and a life that torments them.